Tag: responsibility

Half-baked thoughts: Varying levels of parenting

Levels of parenting:

1) Being a parent = Having a child.

2) Being a good parent = Taking care of your child/children.

3) Being a great parent = Taking care of yourself and your child/children.

It doesn’t take much to be a parent, but it does take a lot of time, effort, and sacrifice to be a good or great parent. The difference between good and great might not be what you think though…instead of giving more to your kids and never letting them struggle, I think a great parent lets their kids find things out on their own.

A great parent lays the foundation for their children – making them feel loved and safe, providing a roof over their heads, and giving them access to healthy foods. A great parent also teaches their kids manners, how to respect others and to be kind, and to have a good work ethic.

But a great parent is not a helicopter parent (or, a lawnmower parent). They don’t hover over their children – never letting their kids experience failure or disappointment. They also don’t clear a path for their children – making their lives so easy that they never experience struggle.

Lastly (at least for this post), a great parent takes care of themself as well as their children. They eat right, exercise their mind and body, and are financially responsible. They are there to serve as a role model for the kids, who inevitably will learn from the parent’s actions. This not only allows the parent to have their own time to recharge, but it also gives the kids some independence from their parents.

On struggling…words from an NBA superstar

We all will face adversity in life. It is what it is. But our attitude will help determine how we get through it. Damian Lillard, one of the NBA’s premier scoring guards has gotten off to a rough start to this season. When asked about his struggles, he said the following:

“I always look at struggles as an opportunity to show my true character. When things go great there’s a lot of praise that goes along with that. A lot of people give you a lot of credit. They speak highly of you on social media, TV. ‘Oh Dame had 60, Dame had 50.’ They speak really highly of you. But I think it says more when you’re going through something and s— is kind of hitting the fan and you’re struggling and everybody’s got something to say and to me the real ones, they can keep on trucking and keep on going and still find a way to get the job done.

“And, me personally, I love when those opportunities present themselves. Because when I am riding high and when I do get smoking hot and when I get going people are going to look at it and be like, ‘We remember when you were struggling and you didn’t shy away from it.’ I think it will be more respect for the success when they see how you handle failure and how you handle struggle.

“So, personally, I embrace that. It’s not fun. It’s not easy but it’s part of my DNA. That’s how I got to this position. I’m not angry about it. I’m frustrated with it. I do see it as a challenge and it’s one I accept and I know I’ll come out on top like I always do.”

I especially love the last part that he lays out. He embraces the struggle! It’s what has made him who he is. He doesn’t get angry about it because what’s done is done. But he does get frustrated and use it as fuel. He sees it as an obstacle to overcome, and he has the confidence in himself – the belief in himself – that he’ll get the job done.

We should all embrace failures, struggles, and setbacks this way. We shouldn’t be happy that they’re happening to us, but what is moping around going to do about it? What is getting angry or pointing the blame elsewhere going to do about it? Ultimately, it’s your responsibility. Take it and figure out your next move to try to make it better.

Responsibility and being the hero of your own journey

You are responsible for everything in your life. That doesn’t mean that you are to blame for everything, but if you want to get yourself out of a hole or a dark place, it’s ultimately up to you to do something about it. It’s not up to anybody else to make your life better. Yes, you can ask for help. You can hope someone comes along to make the path a little less treacherous. But you need to be the hero of your own journey – not the victim. Be the person who overcomes struggle and hardship. Let your experiences help you grow.

Personal responsibility

“Doctors won’t make you healthy. Nutritionists won’t make you slim. Teachers won’t make you smart. Gurus won’t make you calm. Mentors won’t make you rich. Trainers won’t make you fit. Ultimately, you have to take responsibility. Save yourself.” – Naval Ravikandt

We are responsible for how our lives turn out. It’s easy to blame someone else when things go wrong. It’s also easy to think that someone else can “save” us from our own problems. But we need to be the hero of our own stories. Someone can help us, they can be our “guide,” but we must choose to be the hero.

Being the hero doesn’t mean that nothing bad will happen to us, but if we keep pushing past the obstacles, we can overcome them. It’s up to you to make a choice every day. Are you going to wait for someone to come and save you? Or will you do what needs to be done to save yourself? If you want to live your best life, you must take ownership of it.

A parent’s (and spouse’s) responsibility

Your number one responsibility is to be able to put food on the table and keep the lights on for your family. After that, then you need to focus on doing something that you love. You don’t even have to love it at all the time. But as long as you like it enough and it pays the bills, stick with it. If you are miserable, find something else, but remember your responsibility to your family. Making sure you’re setting them up for success (more than just surviving, but thriving) should be your top priority.