Tag: results

Receiving feedback

Hearing feedback can be really tough. Oftentimes, it can take us by surprise and we get defensive about it. But we need feedback to grow. Usually, there is at least a kernel of truth in what the other person is telling us. Instead of automatically justifying why you did/said what you did, just listen. Refrain from responding until the person is done talking. But don’t do one of those, “mhmm…ok…” almost like a “hurry-up and get it over with” verbal prodding. Stay open (watch out for negative body language). Then, after the sting of hearing what you need to hear, repeat back to them (or rephrase what you heard). If you and that person are on the same page, that’s probably a good thing. Finally, take their feedback and use it to make you a better person. Even if you don’t fully agree with what they’ve said, try to make small tweaks or improvements. None of us are perfect, so we at least know that we can slightly improve.

Brene Brown’s 3 key phrases to remember when receiving feedback…

⁃ “I’m brave enough to listen.”

⁃ “There’s something valuable here. Take what works and leave the rest.”

⁃ “Feedback is the path to mastery.”

Ask yourself these two questions when goal-setting

When you’re developing your goals, you should be clear on why you want to achieve these goals. You should also follow the S.M.A.R.T. acronym (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-based). But after all that, you should ask yourself these two questions:

If not me, then who? If not now, then when?

Your goals are not going to be achieved if you’re not taking action to make them happen. If you don’t make that phone call, talk with that person, let others know about “x,” wake up early to go workout or read or master your craft, etc. who is going to do it for you? If you’re not going to do them right now, when will you prioritize them? Don’t keep procrastinating. If your goals are truly important, you’ll find the time or make the time to do the activities (to follow the process goals) that help you get the results you want.

Embarrassment

Never be embarrassed by where you are in life – by what car you’re driving or what house you live in. Everyone has to start somewhere. If you’re going to be embarrassed about anything, be embarrassed about if you’re taking a victim mentality and blaming others for your situation.

Instead of being complacent, how are you using ambition and drive to improve your situation? Just because you’re somewhere right now, it doesn’t mean that you have to stay there. But if you don’t take action, chances are you’re not going to be in a very different spot a few years from now.

So if you don’t like where you’re at, again, you shouldn’t be embarrassed or ashamed of it. But that means that you’re not happy with the results of what you’ve done so far. Now is the time to change. Take action everyday to improve and you’ll be amazed at how far you’ll go in a short period of time.

Praise the effort

We tend to simplify things in our heads, wanting to take whatever is the easiest route. We do this in many things, including looking at results. But what should be focused on instead is the effort the individual is giving to get the results.

There are two problems when only focusing on the end result…

First, if we only focus on the end result, maybe we aren’t challenging ourselves enough. For example, I should almost always win when facing an elementary student in basketball – and I’m not even good at basketball. But when you lower your standards just so you can win, it defeats the purpose of playing the game. At that point, why measure anything at all?

Second, when we focus on results only, we remove the element of luck from our environment. Annie Duke talks about this in her book Thinking in Bets. I can play a hand of poker perfectly according to the probability of what gives me the best chance at success and still lose the hand. Or, vice versa, I can play a hand incorrectly and still win. But if we’re only looking at the result, that may alter our way of thinking and cause us to play according to our emotions instead of what is mathematically the most likely way to win. It’s important to remember that we can only control our actions, not the actions of others, our environment, or “luck.”

So instead of focusing on results, the real question should be: “What did you do to maximize your potential?” It’s ok to ask our children if they won the game, got an A on the test, etc., but make sure we don’t praise the result. We need to focus all of our attention/praise on their efforts. What work did they put in to achieve those results? Did they try their best? (And remember, more is not always better. So if they were “studying” all night before a test and didn’t do well, maybe it would be better to have a shorter timeframe to study intensely and then get a good night of sleep.)

Election 2020

Stay calm.

No matter who you voted for, and no matter who wins, remember what is actually important in life. In the grand scheme of things, this is just a tiny blip on the radar.

You have no control over the election results, but you do have control over your actions. Be kind to everyone you meet (and that includes and social media).

Lastly, once the results are in and there as a president (new or reelected), it is what it is. You can complain about it, or you can move forward with your life. Life isn’t going to stop and wait for you to have a pity party.

Life will go on.

We will survive.

Stay calm.

Be kind.