Tag: self-improvement

On resilience

I read a quote/meme on LinkedIn recently that said, “Instead of prioritizing teaching kids to be resilient, we should focus on eliminating traumatic events.”

While I think that the person who said this is coming from a good place, I disagree with it wholeheartedly.

Absolutely, I wish there were less traumatic events in life. I wish there were no school shootings, I wish there was no bullying, etc, etc.

But we can’t control everything – including what others do, say, or think. If we don’t try to teach kids to build resilience by overcoming defeat and by seeing/facing traumatic experiences, eventually, trivial events will seem traumatic to them. If the worst thing that happens to them is they get a “B” on their report card, that will be considered traumatic to them. After all, nothing else bad has happened to them, so they have nothing else to compare it to. That becomes the most traumatic event in their life. How will they handle it? They can try harder, or they can play the victim card (which it seems is what society caters to).

We can’t stop death. What happens when a kid faces the death of a loved one? It’s already hard for them (and it always will be/should be). But if they have never encountered any challenges along the way, do you think they will be more or less equipped to handle it?

So, while I do want their to be less trauma in the world, I think it is imperative that we still focus on teaching/building resilience and mental toughness. As John F. Kennedy said, “Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men.”

Life can be difficult. Instead of wishing for it to be easier (less trauma), make yourself stronger (mentally, physically, and emotionally) to handle it.

The best way to build a team

The best way to build a team is to surround yourself with people who have similar values as you (integrity, work ethic, respect, optimism, etc), but who do things differently than you.

Being a person of integrity means to do what you feel is right with the information at hand (even when nobody is looking), to be able to admit when you’re wrong, and to keep your promises. It’s usually “easier” to be a person of integrity if you don’t care what people think about you…if you believe an action is right, even if it’s not popular, you should do it instead of going with the flow.

If everyone is always learning/growing, the team will go much further than if they have to rely on one person to come up with all of the ideas. Learning/growing is part of work ethic, as is the willingness and ability to work dutifully for yourself, your team, and your clients.

If everyone respects each other, even when they disagree, they will be more open/receptive to hearing out the other team member’s opinion. You want different perspectives. You want people to be able to voice their opinion without fear of being ostracized. You don’t want everyone to believe the same thing, otherwise you might have a blind spot to a weakness in your team.

If everyone is optimistic, it doesn’t mean that everything is always good. But it does mean that you can find some good in any situation. Failure will make you stronger, give you experience, and teach you lessons better than success can. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how bad things get, they can get better if you take action to make them better. We don’t want any victims here. No victim mindset. No “woe is me.” If you don’t like your situation, it’s up to you to change it. Nobody should care about your life more than you, so if you want things to get better, you need to be the one to take control.

How to deal with our own problems

There are legitimate hurdles and hardships we have to overcome on a daily, weekly, and yearly basis. But most of the hurdles we face in life are not unique to ourselves.

That problem with getting good grades? Or the person who has been bullying you? Something happened to you at work? Or your home life isn’t quite what you want it to be?

You are unique, but the problems you’re facing have been encountered (and overcome) by others.

The issue is when we pity ourselves. Then, it’s not just the obstacle we’re facing anymore. We’ve also added a self-imposed obstacle – our mindset. If we think we can’t do something, that we’re the victim in a situation, or that to overcome the original obstacle will be difficult, it will be!

Instead of focusing on the problem, focus on solutions! Instead of focusing on the negative, focus on the positive. Have faith that you will prevail, try to find answers, and start taking action. Don’t feel bad for yourself and realize that plenty of other people have been in a similar situation as you and they’ve been able to survive/thrive. You can too!

Are you productive? Or are you just busy?

Don’t confuse busyness with productivity. Work on things that matter/move the needle. Don’t spend time on the trivial…eliminate that which isn’t necessary for you (or anyone) to do, automate that which can be automated (have A.I. help), and delegate that which needs to be done but not necessarily by you.

If you want to grow, you will HAVE to learn how to do these things. We all only have so much time and energy during the day. If we spend all of it doing things that don’t bring us closer to our goals, we are leaving a lot on the table.

Being busy is not necessarily the same as being productive. How can you minimize the busy work and focus on doing the most meaningful and/or dollar-productive work?

Be 100% where you’re supposed to be

When you’re at work, be at work. Have a work mentality. How can you be the best employer/employee, manager/leader, etc. Have your mind on your work. Focus on the task at hand.

When you’re at the gym, be at the gym. Have a gym mentality. How can you get better today than you were yesterday? Have your mind on the sets, reps, technique, movement, breath work, etc. Focus on the workout.

When you’re at home, be at home. Have a family mentality. How can you be the best husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, father/mother, brother/sister, pet-owner, friend, caretaker of the property, etc. Do you need to spend more time playing, reading, maintaining (the house), etc? Focus on being at home and leave the other stuff behind you.

Wherever your body is, make sure your mind is 100% there as well. Learn to compartmentalize your life. A “balanced” life is not being partially present in every aspect of life. It’s being fully present where you are and making sure you spend enough time with each aspect daily/weekly/monthly.