self-improvement | The Caleb Barney Collection

Setting easy and hard goals

It’s only a partial truth when you hear the saying, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Because the alternative to that is that something could beat you down and wear you out, and if you don’t allow yourself to recover before the next defeat, you’re only going to see a decrease in performance. Too many harsh defeats in a row could decrease your confidence, and instead of making you stronger, it weakens your resolve.

Practice balancing between setting hard to achieve, but still realistic goals and getting some quick wins under your belt (to build momentum and confidence). When you do go for something and fail, prioritize learning from your mistakes and recovering from failures. Just make sure that A) you’re not aiming too low just to avoid the feeling of pain/loss; and B) you have regular stretch goals that are realistic, but definitely not guaranteed.

Practicing patience

The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit.

Most things in life that are worthwhile are either difficult to obtain, take effort, or take time to develop/grow. Some of the best things in life require all three. For example, having a strong relationship (whether between your spouse, best friend, or co-worker) takes time. You don’t have a deep relationship with them the first time you meet them. It takes effort on your part to listen, to show you care for them, etc. The longer you do this, the stronger your relationship grows.

The same can be said for physical success (building/shaping your body how you want it to look), mental (learning a new subject or language), financial (accumulating wealth), or at work (you have to start somewhere, and that place usually isn’t at the top). Most great things take time. We don’t plant the seed and eat the fruit the same day, just as we don’t do one workout and get a six pack the same day. The overnight success is the outlier.

Practice patience. Be patient with others, but be patient with yourself and your goals too. Don’t give up just because you’re not seeing results as quickly as you want. Eventually, if you are consistently working towards your goals, you can achieve great things. Just make sure you’re setting S.M.A.R.T. goals towards things that are actually meaningful to you. If you really want to achieve them, you’ll find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.

Success leaves clues

Look around you and figure out what successful people have done in order to set themselves up to achieve that level of success. Tease out the similarities in what many successful people are doing to get them there. Their individual tactics may be slightly different, but I can almost guarantee that they have a similar mindset or strategy.

What did they do to achieve success that other successful people have also done? Correlation does not equal causation, but if you continue to see the same patterns over and over, you can at least increase your odds of achieving success. Look for the clues to lead you there. Listen for them. Then act on them.

Pain is subjective: How to get comfortable with the uncomfortable

“The reason his fights look so easy is because his training was so hard.” – Paraphrased from Joe Rogan when he was talking about Floyd Mayweather.

Train to make the uncomfortable not phase you. If that is your baseline and you’re used to facing obstacles, it will become your new normal. But to someone who hasn’t faced those same difficulties, when they suddenly are thrown into a tough situation, it will be harder for them mentally, physically, and emotionally.

How do you get comfortable with the uncomfortable?

A huge part of it is mental fitness. Mental fitness is more than just being mentally tough. Being tough (or being able to endure) is just one aspect of your mental fitness, but being able to understand concepts, to think outside of the box, to have a good memory. and to be flexible in a changing environment all contribute to being mentally fit.

The other part (the “easier” part) is physical fitness. Again, you want to be physically tough and able to hold up to pressure, but physics fitness also includes strength, endurance, flexibility, mobility, balance, coordination, having a healthy heart and joints, etc.

If you are mentally and physically fit, it will be easier to overcome challenging situations. So what are some things you can do to become fit?

Train your body consistently to lift heavy weights for low reps, to lift light weights for high reps, to sprint short distances at fast speeds, to walk/run/bike long distances at slow speeds, to occasionally work with very little sleep, to occasionally work with very little to eat, to think fast and make quick decisions, to analyze and think slowly, to deal with the heat, to deal with the cold, to read/write/draw, etc. These are just a few examples…

There are so many ways you can train your body and mind at the same time. Do a difficult task daily, one that pushes your existing comfort levels, because the more difficult you make your training, the easier your life will be. If your training is harder than the actual event, you’ll remain strong physically and, more importantly, you’ll remain strong mentally and emotionally. This will give you the edge you need over your competition.

Pain is subjective – it changes based on the perspective of who is going through the experience. Running a mile at a sub 6-minute clip is easy for those who do it consistently, but for the untrained person, this will probably be very painful. What will you do today to increase your fitness and increase your pain threshold?

Finding Happiness

When it comes down to it, I believe our ultimate goal should be to be happy. That should be the “why” behind all of our actions. But we need to break this down further to truly understand it. We should not confuse short-term happiness for long-term happiness, or vice versa. For many people, their short-term happiness hinges on doing something that feels pleasurable at the time, but comes at the expense of their long-term happiness.

For example, going on a spending spree occasionally is fine, but doing that everyday will make you go broke in the long run and you’ll have to delay retirement.

Eating pizza or doughnuts is really enjoyable at the time, but do it everyday and you’ll likely be working your way towards all sorts of health problems.

Taking a day off from working out or reading to let your body and mind recharge is great, but to never work out or read puts your body and mind in a deficit over time.

You need to find the balance between short-term happiness and long-term happiness. The easiest way to do this is to find enjoyment in the process of everything you do. If you can find as much overlap as possible where what you want to do in the short-term is actually benefitting you kn the long-term, that’s when you’ll really feel supercharged instead of like you’re always sacrificing happiness now for happiness in the future (or vice versa).

So, what helps to shape our happiness? Usually, it is some combination of striving to be our best selves (mentally, physically, spiritually, relationally, and financially), of feeling a sense of accomplishment by doing something difficult, of contribution (helping others/volunteering/giving back), and of gratitude (being thankful for what we have and not comparing ourselves to others). Find ways to intentionally incorporate actions that push you towards this and you’ll find happiness much more often.