Tag: society

On resilience

I read a quote/meme on LinkedIn recently that said, “Instead of prioritizing teaching kids to be resilient, we should focus on eliminating traumatic events.”

While I think that the person who said this is coming from a good place, I disagree with it wholeheartedly.

Absolutely, I wish there were less traumatic events in life. I wish there were no school shootings, I wish there was no bullying, etc, etc.

But we can’t control everything – including what others do, say, or think. If we don’t try to teach kids to build resilience by overcoming defeat and by seeing/facing traumatic experiences, eventually, trivial events will seem traumatic to them. If the worst thing that happens to them is they get a “B” on their report card, that will be considered traumatic to them. After all, nothing else bad has happened to them, so they have nothing else to compare it to. That becomes the most traumatic event in their life. How will they handle it? They can try harder, or they can play the victim card (which it seems is what society caters to).

We can’t stop death. What happens when a kid faces the death of a loved one? It’s already hard for them (and it always will be/should be). But if they have never encountered any challenges along the way, do you think they will be more or less equipped to handle it?

So, while I do want their to be less trauma in the world, I think it is imperative that we still focus on teaching/building resilience and mental toughness. As John F. Kennedy said, “Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men.”

Life can be difficult. Instead of wishing for it to be easier (less trauma), make yourself stronger (mentally, physically, and emotionally) to handle it.

What to do (or not) in today’s “outrage culture”

There are a lot of hot button topics/issues at any moment in time, some legitimate and some not so much. Being in the United States, we have a remarkable freedom to say what we want. It’s a wonderful thing, but it doesn’t mean that we should abuse that freedom. We shouldn’t say mean or hurtful things as is so often done by the “tough people” on the internet. So with today’s blog post, I wanted to touch on two things I’ve been thinking about lately – 1) stop being so easily offended and 2) don’t apologize unless you really mean it.

First of all, we should always work to improve ourselves and one of the best ways to improve yourself is by improving your happiness. With that logic, removing happiness would be a way to make your life worse then, right? Well, one of the quickest ways to remove happiness from your life is to take offense to the everything around you. Today’s first action step is to not be so easily offended.

In today’s “outrage” and “cancel” culture, people seem to take offense at the most minor issues. If you feel you’ve been wronged, take a moment to think before reacting. Did the other person actually do something terrible to you? Was it done maliciously? Or was it a mistake? Do they even know that you feel this way?

Remember, you can’t control what other people do, you can only control your actions and reactions to them. If you live in America, chances are that you’re better off than the majority of the world and aren’t facing issues to the same extent as someone living in a hut in a third world country. Put your “problems” in perspective and stop being so easily offended.

The second thing that I think many of us should work on is to not be apologetic unless you really mean it. I’m not confrontational. I don’t like conflict, so I avoid it when I can. If you’re like me, you may find yourself apologizing to someone for offending them even if what you did isn’t bad in your eyes. Stop doing that. It’s inauthentic and won’t mean very much if you continue doing the same thing you just apologized for.

Think about why you’re saying sorry before you do next time. If someone is mad at you, don’t say sorry just to get back in their good graces if you don’t believe what you did was wrong. If you feel that what you did was right, you should either stand up for your actions (if it’s something worth “fighting” for) or let it go (if it’s something small). But don’t get defensive. If you are, is it because you are actually the one who offended now? They’re allowed to voice their displeasure and disagreement with you. That’s the whole freedom of speech thing that we talked about in paragraph one.

If you’re allowing yourself to become upset because someone else is offended by something you said or did, take a look in the mirror. Are you perpetuating the cycle of having thin skin? Don’t do exactly what you want others to stop doing. Don’t be offended by something that doesn’t really matter in e grand scheme of life.

To recap, don’t take the little things in life too seriously and try to be sensitive to how others feel. Yes, we have the right to a freedom of speech, but that doesn’t mean that you should try to provoke others. Be nice. Try to be the bigger person. If you change your mind about something you’ve said or done in the past, admit it and apologize to those you have legitimately wronged. And when others disagree with you, learn to let the little things go and instead choose to be happy.