strength | The Caleb Barney Collection

On resilience

I read a quote/meme on LinkedIn recently that said, “Instead of prioritizing teaching kids to be resilient, we should focus on eliminating traumatic events.”

While I think that the person who said this is coming from a good place, I disagree with it wholeheartedly.

Absolutely, I wish there were less traumatic events in life. I wish there were no school shootings, I wish there was no bullying, etc, etc.

But we can’t control everything – including what others do, say, or think. If we don’t try to teach kids to build resilience by overcoming defeat and by seeing/facing traumatic experiences, eventually, trivial events will seem traumatic to them. If the worst thing that happens to them is they get a “B” on their report card, that will be considered traumatic to them. After all, nothing else bad has happened to them, so they have nothing else to compare it to. That becomes the most traumatic event in their life. How will they handle it? They can try harder, or they can play the victim card (which it seems is what society caters to).

We can’t stop death. What happens when a kid faces the death of a loved one? It’s already hard for them (and it always will be/should be). But if they have never encountered any challenges along the way, do you think they will be more or less equipped to handle it?

So, while I do want their to be less trauma in the world, I think it is imperative that we still focus on teaching/building resilience and mental toughness. As John F. Kennedy said, “Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men.”

Life can be difficult. Instead of wishing for it to be easier (less trauma), make yourself stronger (mentally, physically, and emotionally) to handle it.

A calm mind = a strong mind

“**The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.”** – Marcus Aurelius

If someone knows how to push your buttons, to get you worked up and out of sorts just by something little that they say or do, they can easily manipulate you. The less reactive you can be, the more power you can have. If you take a moment to pause, you can choose your response – to let things go, to address them calmly and respectfully, or to be stern and forceful. But the key here is you are making the decision on how to respond. That is strength. Reaction to an event is not.

Train your mind to be stronger than your emotions

It doesn’t matter how much you want something, if you don’t train your mind to be stronger than your emotions, you’ll constantly be taking one step forward and two steps back.

Think about wanting to get in the best physical shape of your life. First, you need to set a SMART goal. Then, you need to figure out why that goal is important to you. After that, you need to put a plan in place to achieve your goal. During the planning period, you may be doing research to complete the perfect plan (which doesn’t exist), but that should not stop you from getting started (done is better than perfect). Lastly, you need to find an accountability partner who makes sure you are actively and consistently working towards your goal.

If you let your emotions take over (especially your negative emotions), you’ll find an excuse to not do what you know you need to be doing! It feels better (at the time) to stay in your warm, comfy bed and sleep in. It feels better (at the time) to eat another serving or to have dessert or to have a bedtime snack. It feels better to sit on the couch and watch tv or scroll on Instagram. For every short-term pleasure, there is a long-term consequence. And if you really want to achieve your goals, you have to train your mind to be stronger than your emotions (and just doing what feels good in the moment).

So what’s more important to you? A little extra sleep? Or getting up, keeping that promise to yourself, and striving towards your goals?

Trust me, in the end, you will feel so much better about yourself knowing that you set a difficult goal and you achieved it. You persisted through the ups and downs. It was simple, but it wasn’t easy, and not many people are willing to do what you do to get what you want.

Train your mind. If you listen to your emotions, listen to the positive ones that are pushing you towards your goals. Use those! But steel your mind. Make it so strong that your negative emotions cannot overcome you when you put your mind to something.

What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

Keep pushing through. Where you are today is exactly where you need to be. Sometimes you need to suffer. Sometimes you need to get knocked down. It will serve as motivation to get you to where you need to be. Get back up, learn from your past, and start chasing your dreams.

Power

We want to power not so we can abuse it, but to make sure that we are never taken advantage of. But there are different types of power. For example, being wealthy is powerful. If you are independently wealthy and not financially reliant on your W-2 income, if you feel like you are mistreated or if you just don’t like your job you can leave it for something else.

Other types of power include strength (physical and mental), intelligence, and influence.

If you physical strength or if you know how to defend yourself, you have power. People will think twice about messing with you before selecting an easier target.

If you have mental strength, you have power. Others will not be able to manipulate your emotions if you know how to keep them in check.

If you have intelligence, you have power. You will be able to detect when someone is lying or trying to mislead you. You can use your intuition and what you already have a base knowledge of to figure out if something makes sense.

If you have influence (such as a huge social media following, but even with your friends or family), you have power. Your words can affect how people think, what they say/do, how they vote, etc.

Once again, it’s not that we want this power to hold over someone else. It’s actually the complete opposite. We want to have the power so that others can’t exercise that power on us.

How are you increasing your power today?