Are you smart?

Being good at school is not the same as being smart. You can memorize the right answers but not understand how something works. I was very good at memorizing growing up. But I mistook memorization and good grades for being smart and knowing something. I knew the right answer, but I didn’t always know how to get there. I wasn’t thinking critically, and there is a big difference between knowing an answer and knowing something so well that you not only know the answer, but how to get the answer, can explain it in different ways, and understand the concept.

False narratives

The way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are.
“The way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are.” – John Green

Sometimes, when we have incomplete information, or when we don’t really know a person, we tell ourselves that they did something maliciously towards us because they’re mean, miserable, etc. And while there may be some truth to that story, the real truth is we don’t know why they did what they did or why they said what they said. Maybe they were hangry or they just got bad news about their kids, parents, or friends. Maybe they’re going through a divorce or they’re stressed from work. Maybe they thought they were just teasing you and didn’t know you took it the wrong way.

I’d like to think that most people, at least in their own eyes, are good. We may misunderstand them or have different values, but that doesn’t make the other person bad. Your boss or co-worker you can’t stand? They are someone’s mom/dad, husband/wife, child, friend, etc. They want to be happy and feel like they’re contributing to others’ happiness too. Maybe they’re stuck in a rut or you caught them at a bad time, or maybe you were jut too sensitive at that moment.

At the very worst, think of the situation through the lens of Hanlon’s razor. It says, “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.” In other words, sometimes bad things happen not because of people are purposely trying to hurt you, but because they did not think through their actions (and the consequences) properly. People *usually* aren’t out to get you.

How our thoughts make our reality

The world reflects your own feelings back to you. Reality is neutral. Nothing is “good or bad,” but our thoughts make it so.

Change your thoughts and you can change your life. Not only can you make things better or worse by what you do, but also what you say, think, and feel. Shift your mindset to a positive one, where every setback is another opportunity to learn and grow, and where every success is a stepping stone to greater achievement. Choose to be happy and helpful. Choose to not let others’ actions or words affect you, unless you it is to have a positive affect on you.

Control the controllables

Here is what you can control: Your effort. Having the best attitude in the room. Not complaining. Being a good listener. Being able to take criticism. Working harder than anyone else. Researching and trying to figure out ways to become the best. Being a good student.

Things you can’t control? Results/outcomes. What other people do, think, or say. “Luck.”

Focus all of your energy and attention on the things you can control and don’t let the things you can’t control get you up or down. They are what they are. If the ball bounces the right way for you, great! But don’t expect things to go well for you if you’re not putting in the work.

If you did what you felt are the right things and didn’t get the result you wanted, don’t dwell on it. Allow yourself a short period of reflection to see if your decisions and actions were actually correct. If they were, continue to do that and work hard with a positive attitude. Eventually things will go your way. If your actions, while made with the best intentions, ended up being incorrect or ineffective, keep that in mind and change how you act in the future to help produce a better end result.

Go slow to go fast

Slow is smooth and smooth is fast. Going slow (as long as it is deliberate/well thought out) will reduce errors or omissions and lead to better outcomes. This means that you can often accomplish what you set out to do the first time. But if you move too quickly, more often you’ll miss the little details that lead to your greatest success.

Sometimes, you just have to act without thought. That can be useful and necessary. But for most situations, it’s the pre-action decisions you make that lead to you achieving your goals.